


Wild Horses

by MegaAuLover



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-25 05:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17718755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegaAuLover/pseuds/MegaAuLover
Summary: Wild horses stay close to their herd but they can be aggressive, cautious, curious, and flighty when they sense danger. Much like Barrel Racer Katniss, and her family and friends. Modern AU...Trigger Warning mentions of canon-based abuse & angst





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mypeeta1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mypeeta1/gifts).



> This story is for Amazinglovers747 whose prompt imagine a barrel racing Katniss...thank you for the amazing pictures & Prompt...

The melodic chords of the Rolling Stones, Wild Horses, played on the stereo of Peeta Mellark's restored 66 Shelby Mustang. The song reminded him of his ex-wife the girl that got away. The girl he loved so deeply that she had the ability to make a burnt out match come back to life. Peeta revved the Shelby engine of the GT350, it growled to life as it pounded the pavement as he drew closer and closer to the little town called the Seem. Oddly enough their small town was close to its rival sister Roswell, New Mexico.

As a kid, he and his neighbor Delly Cartwright used to stay up hours upon hours looking up into the sky for aliens. Delly thought aliens were real and that they lived amongst them. Peeta just loved looking at the night sky, there was nothing more beautiful than the orange glow of the sunset over the desert.

In all, it wasn't a bad childhood except for his mother who was abusive. As he got older her physical abuse became verbal. His mother made Peeta feel as if he wasn't good enough. Years later he learned his insecurities stemmed from his mother and it impacted his marriage. At the time when he married Katniss, he thought he had gotten over the slump, gotten over what he endured at the hands of his mother.

Peeta closed his eyes and imagined Katniss, the way he had seen her when they had first met. She was a vision standing in the desert with beautiful dark skin, long dark silky hair, standing proudly in the middle of a sunset, the wind sifting through her locks. Her gray eyes staring at him with a fiercely determined look, it was a sight he could never forget.

Katniss was a Vaquera, rode in the rodeo. She even rode wild broncos. He had a picture of her in his pocket barrel racing. He carried that picture for the last four years while he was away in the army and throughout his recovery. An IED exploded near him and took his leg. He spent the past year learning how to walk how to stand, while repairing this car. This was his salvation, he brought this car back to life much the way the doctors in the Capitol V.A. hospital brought him back to life.

His psychiatrist Dr. A, finally allowed him to go out into the real world. Peeta was still committed to his well being and had been skyping or facetiming with the good doctor on a daily basis. With a second lease on life, Peeta decided that it was time for him to go home and to face the demons he had run away from.

The lyrics Mick Jagger sang were poignant, "You know I can't let you slide through my hands." 

Peeta ran his hands through his blond hair, thinking about the past. They were kids, foolish, children pretending to be adults. They were so in love. Well, Peeta was, he wasn't sure about Katniss, whether or not she was in love with him and that drove his insecurities.

For Peeta, his love had begun as a child. He marveled over the little girl with the angelic voice and yet the ability to ride horses quicker with more agility than anyone else. She was a champion. He was in awe of her skills when she rode wild horses in the rodeo. Her skill was unparalleled, he still didn't comprehend how she was able to stay on animal's that could easily toss her and trample her.

He knew it began as fun but when her father became and succumbed to cancer the horse ranch was in trouble because of the medical debts. It was up to Katniss to make her Father's dream a reality and feed her family. She began to take her rodeo competitions seriously and became quite a star.

Peeta was infatuated with Katniss and when they got together and hastily married he thought their union would last a lifetime. But then, doubt crept in, in the form of a six-foot-tall lanky cowboy named Gale Hawthorne.

He remembered the moment his life came to an end.

**Four Years Ago:**

It was hot outside Peeta sat in the stands watching Katniss and her horse Lady ride around the barrels. Katniss had fared well in the breakaway calf roping, tie-down calf roping, team roping, bareback bronc riding and bull riding. If she rode clean she would win the competition, so far the other barrel riders had knocked over one or more of the barrels. The crowds cheered her on.

Peeta traveled all the way to Oklahoma, to see her compete. They'd been fighting. Gale had joined the group of rodeo performers and competitors who traveled the rodeo circuit. Peeta couldn't go with Katniss all of the time as he worked in his parent's bakery and he stayed home with her sister and her mother.

When she came home all of Katniss stories became more and more about Gale. For weeks on end it was Gale was funny, smart, and clever. At first, Peeta thought it was a woman, but then the man came to their home all gussied up wanting to see Katniss. He had flowers in his hands, all of Peeta's insecurities surfaced like a surface to air missile shot from a submarine. He learned from Rue a fellow competitor Gale was a clown. He was always around Katniss, they traveled together, they were thick as thieves.

They fought and Katniss swore there wasn't anything going on between them. Peeta wasn't sure but from then on things became strained between them. In the bakery, his mother taunted, told him Katniss was a dirt farmer and cheating on him because he wasn't man enough. His mother laughed at his face every day.

The last thing she had told him was that no one needed him.

Her sister Prim suggested he go to see her. So here he sat in the hot sun watching his wife. Suddenly Lady became spooked and Katniss was thrown from the horse. She'd nearly been trampled and the clown Gale rescued her. Peeta rushed forward but no one recognized him as her husband as she competed as Katniss Everdeen.

When he finally was let into the hospital, he saw Gale, the way he held Katniss hand and his mother's words came back to haunt him. No one needed him. Peeta walked away broken. He ended up in a bar and when he woke up he was on a base. It was an easy out. He disappeared like a coward because no one needed him. Katniss had Gale, her family and he had no one.

**Present:**

The song blared, Mick Jagger's voice sang,  'No Sweeping Exits…' as he passed by the battered sign of his childhood home. It read 'The Seam Population 785'.

Peeta had thrown himself into his military career taking every dangerous mission possible until he met that IUD. All he wanted was for some closure, even if that meant coming face to face with Katniss in Gale's arms.

Just the thought of him caused Peeta to gripped the steering wheel harder. He breathed in and exhaled deeply relaxing himself. One of the ways he calmed down his PTSD.

He veered away from town toward a road less traveled. All around him he saw dry barren land, it transformed into an oasis of green, above the sign read 'Everdeen Ranch.'

Peeta drove up to the sprawling main house. He once more gripped the steering wheel. He breathed in the hot dry air, before finally gaining enough composure to get out. He stood by his car, everything within him told him to get back in the car and run away. He rubbed his sweaty palm against his jeans.

It was then he saw her standing feet away from him. Just like the first time they'd met. He nervously removed his baseball cap. He jammed his hand through his damp curly hair when he felt a tap on his shoulder. One moment he was standing the next he saw a fist coming at him, and a shout, "PRIM!"

Everything went dark after that. When he finally came through he momentarily forgot where he was and came awake with a silent scream. The last time that had happened he awoke in a field hospital with no leg.

It was then he smelled the unmistakable smell of flaxseed and coconut oil. It was a mixture Katniss preferred to use for the leather saddles. He calmed down immediately. Sitting up he found his prosthetic was missing, along with his pants and shirt were missing. Thankfully he had on his boxers. He scratched his head as he saw it was nearly six. He was out for over an hour. Then he heard the loud voices coming from the other side of the door.

"Prim you shouldn't have hit him."

"You know it's what you wanted to do, Katniss," Prim answered back with a great deal of sass.

Peeta touched his jawline. He'd gotten into a few fights while in the military and he'd never blacked out. Prim had the fist of lead.

"Primrose Everdeen, you've been spending far too much time with Johanna." Katniss scolded.

"He left you, Katniss, without a word. Six months later sends you divorce papers from a P.O. Box that belonged to a crazy divorce lawyer. And has the audacity to show up now four years later."

"I know Prim. I know." Katniss voice sounded weak.

There was a pause as if both were deep in thought.

"I wonder how he lost his legs?" Prim mused.

"He has dog tags." Another voice joined them. Peeta recognized Mrs. Everdeen. "Now girls if you don't mind I'm going to attend to my patient."

The door opened and there stood the tribe of fierce Amazon women known as the Everdeens.

Prim was taller than Katniss. Four years ago she was only fourteen, a sweet young girl. Today she was now eighteen and had perfected that legendary Everdeen scowl and it was directed at him.

Mrs. Everdeen didn't look any older except for the few Gray hairs that were starting to come in at her temples. Her smile was soft and she had a tray in her hand. Katniss, however, stood defensively her arms crossed around her middle, her stare hard, and her lips were thinned. Peeta anticipated this reaction from her.

Mrs. Everdeen settled the tray on the bedside table. She helped him sit up before handing Peeta a cup. "Here drink this, you're dehydrated. And by the looks of it, you haven't slept in some time."

Peeta forgot Mrs. Everdeen was a trained nurse. She was the first line of medical defense out here in the middle of the desert.

"Thank you," Peeta said. He was waiting for the barrage of questions.

The first one to burst and stomp on the elephant in the room was Prim. "So, where have you been all this time?"

"In the army. Not sure I'm at liberty to say exactly where I was stationed." Peeta shrugged.

"Is that how?" Katniss glanced at his missing leg.

"Yeah." Peeta noticed how thick and gravelly his voice sounded. He was a kid when he left and now he was a man. He glanced up and his blue eyes collided with her gray worried ones. He cleared his throat. "It took me a year to recover, to feel somewhat normal."

"What do you want?" Prim narrowed her eyes at him.

"Prim!" Mrs. Everdeen admonished.

Peeta couldn't stop staring at Katniss. She looked so amazing, her cheeks were tinged a deep wine color. He tore his eyes away and drank the contents of his cup.

"Spill Mellark," Prim rivaled the toughest military interrogator, "What are you doing here?"

Peeta opened his mouth to speak but Mrs. Everdeen grabbed Prim by the arm.

"Alright, that is enough of you, young lady. Go clean up so you can start making dinner."

"But, MOM," Prim whined.

"Do not use that tone of voice with me Primrose Everdeen. This is none of your business. This is your sister's dilemma and she will have to deal with it as an adult." Mrs. Everdeen said closing the door behind on Katniss and Peeta.

"Prim told me you'd left here to see me. Imagine waking up…" Katniss stopped speaking. She glanced to the floor.

Words were never her thing. Katniss had always been someone who leaped into action before she waxed poetically.

"I was there."

His three words caused her head to spring back up. "What?"

"They wouldn't let me see you." Peeta rubbed his face as memories rolled in like a thick murky fog covering the ground. "They wouldn't let me go through the crowd into the arena. They didn't know I was your husband. I stood by and watched as Gale was allowed to go with you to the hospital. When I got there I saw him holding your hand in the ER. It was the way he held you, the way he looked at you, I knew…" Peeta became choked up. He looked away momentarily to gain his composure. "I came back to say sorry, for treating you badly. For not being your friend. Hoping we can be friends again one day."

He looked up to see Katniss glaring at him with her mouth opened.

"Okay," Peeta muttered knowing his time was coming to an end. "If you can direct me to my leg and my clothing. I'll be going."

"Why?"

He glanced at her and he couldn't read her face.

"You and I both know there should never be two cocks in the hen house."

Katniss frowned.

"Katniss." Peeta wasn't sure what was going on inside of her. It frightened him and it turned him on. For four years he had been celibate. While in rehabilitation his sex drive died altogether. He could feel himself hardening and he bunched the sheets up around him.

"No!" Katniss shook her head.

"No," he repeated dumbfounded. This was not going the way he had imagined it in the sessions with the doctor. Peeta wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"You don't get to walk out on me again Peeta Mellark!" Katniss walked to the closet, pried the doors open, and grabbed a pink glossy robe and crutches.

It took him a millisecond to realize what he had in his hands before he noticed she was leaving. "Katniss," he called out. "Katniss, wait, don't do this…" It was too late she slammed the door.

Peeta sighed heavily. He said into the empty room, "This is definitely not the way I expected it to go."

As he slipped on the robe he frowned at the color. Katniss hated pink. He thought perhaps she'd bought this to wear for Gale. The thought grossed him out. But he didn't have a choice. He couldn't very well walk around naked in another man's home. Taking the crutches he hobbled out of the room.

He was thankful he was on the first floor and not on the second or else he wouldn't be able to get to where he wanted. Peeta made his way to the kitchen. He needed to leave as soon as possible and the one person who could help him was Prim.

As he neared the kitchen he heard Katniss and Prim talking. This time it was Katniss that sounded emotional.

"Why am I so stupid?"

"Katniss you still…" Prim said.

"Don't say it, Prim! Don't you dare say it."

"Kat, he's still wearing his ring."

Peeta looked at his hand. It was true he had never taken off his ring. Even now as he was trying to say goodbye he couldn't take his ring off.

Katniss made a frustrated sound right before he heard the back porch door slam.

"Now I know why mother never remarried," Prim muttered loud enough for Peeta to hear.

"Have you really come to say goodbye?"

Peeta turned his head to see Mrs. Everdeen standing by the stairwell. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. There was a time when he had use of all of the words in the world, but not after leaving her, not after the IUD. It was as if his mind was cloudy, things didn't make sense at times and he struggled with finding who he was. He was like the song he'd been listening to in the car. His faith was broken.

"I came to apologize," Peeta said.

Mrs. Everdeen walked up to him. She put her hands on his shoulders. "When you and my daughter eloped, I was furious because you were both so young. When you left I thought good riddance. I was wrong Peeta, you and Katniss need each other."

"But, we're divorced and she's with Gale."

Mrs. Everdeen chuckled, "Look around you Peeta do you see another man here?"

Peeta looked around the room, there weren't any pictures of Gale, there were pictures of Prim, pictures of the Everdeens, and pictures of him. His heart began to pound in his chest.

"Fight for her, Peeta, she still loves you."

Tears, beautiful, wonderful tears fell from his eyes as his heart and being were filled with the love he carried for Katniss all of these years. He maneuvered outside, he knew exactly where to find her.

"Where is he going dressed up like that?" Prim asked as Peeta opened up his car door.

"I'm getting my life back," Peeta shouted as he turned on the car. The amputee pedals and gears he put in his car helped him rev up the powerful motor. Peeta drove off into the direction of the sunset until he found the spot where he had met Katniss that faithful afternoon. Wild Horses began playing again. Driven by the music he found himself at the spot. He came to a stop and saw her standing by her horse looking at the sunset.

He opened the door took the crutches and hobbled to her. She was staring at him. Peeta came to her, "I still love you Katniss Everdeen, I came here thinking you were with someone else, I came here thinking I had to have you in my life in some way shape or form. I've made a stupid mistake-"

He was cut off by her lips. Soft wonderful lips that caused his soul to jump to the moon and back. He groaned and cupped her face gently as she backed away.

The music played in the background much the way music played in those romantic movies. The chords of the guitar and the drums wrapped them in a cocoon.

"I love you too, Peeta. I never stopped." She showed him her hand, she too had her wedding band on. "I never signed the papers, I couldn't do it."

Peeta kissed her deeply, her hands clutched at his back. They stood there as the sunset gently into the background as Mick Jagger sang, "Wild horses couldn't drag me away. Wild, wild horses we'll ride them someday…" 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is from Katniss's point of view and it reveals what happened all those years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special things to my Beta buttercupbadbass who also prompted this portion of the story. Also, thank you to amazing lovers for the beautiful pictures and all the information on barrel racing as well as all of you who with your likes and your comments always give me inspiration. I do not own the Hunger Games

The guitars of the acoustic version of The Rolling Stones, Wild Horses rang through the house. Katniss stood on the back porch looking out at the ranch. She could hear Peeta in the kitchen, the noise of the metallic clang of the pans and pots as he cooked one of his legendary breakfasts that Prim was so crazy over, caused her to smile. There was a time she couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand him.

She moved away from the deck. She rubbed her belly. Katniss walked up to the old tree that held the swing. Sitting down she began to hum, the Judds song Grandpa.

Katniss sang softly, "Grandpa, seems like the world is going crazy…" tears gathered in her eyes as the memories flooded her mind. The roar of the crowds as she and Lady performed, the smell of the rodeo, the fights she had with Peeta, her mistakes, all of it rolled in her head like a black and white b-roll that was painted to highlight the best and harshest moments.

The dry air of the desert sifted the landscape. The land belonged to her father and his father before him. In the near future, there would be a new generation, Katniss gently swung back and forth the breeze feeling good on her overheated body. Two years ago the ranches only hope was her sister. Six years ago she wasn't living merely existing when she met him. That is the day her life began.

**PAST:**

Her father passed away today. He was another victim of cancer, her world was collapsing into a black hole. There were theories that when you fell inside of a black hole you were torn into microscopic pieces in the most painful way. Katniss felt like that, shredded. The hurt was excruciating and the only one place that brought her solace was the wilderness.

Katniss slowed her horse down to a trot before coming to a standstill. The desert was beautiful at this time of the day. It was as if heaven and the earth touched. For some reason, she felt her father's presence the strongest here. She stood letting the air surround her and her soul and mind were filled with the pureness of nature.

As she stood there she heard the slightest crunch as footsteps came closer. Then she smelled cinnamon, dill, fresh bread, and vanilla.

Turning around she wanted to yell at the person disturbing her peace, but when she set eyes on him her breath caught in her throat. He too looked lost and at the same time in awe of what he was seeing.

Katniss recognized him, he was a boy from school. He was a wrestler and a townie. When it came to boys from town, all of the ranch girls knew to stay away. Peeta was no exception, he was from a well off family. Boys like him never went out with girls like her unless there was a prank or a dare involved. Her mother was a townie but even she warned Katniss and her sister to stay away from those boys.

"I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I can leave if you want." He sounded apologetic.

There was something compelling about him, she didn't want him to walk away. He wasn't the most handsome guy she'd ever seen, but there was something about his smile and honesty in the way he stood. Maybe it was the genuine way he looked at her without the dreaded pity prevalent in everyone's looks these days. Katniss recognized a kindred spirit.

"NO," she said. Her voice sounded weird to her ears.

"I'm Peeta. I was going to draw possibly, paint," he held up his gear, there was an easel, several sketch pads, and a toolbox. He put the equipment on the ground.

He sounded sweet, gentle, not what you would expect for a boy who was on the varsity wrestling team.

"You're Katniss Everdeen, right?"

Hearing her last name reminded her she was never going to see her father again. Tears gathered in her eyes.

"Are you alright?" He took her hand.

Katniss looked up to him, she hated being touched, he was a stranger, yet he was familiar and she felt safe, "My daddy's dead."

He gathered her in his arms and Katniss felt home.

**PRESENT:**

The baby enjoyed the soft movement of the swing. Katniss sang, another poignant lyric from Grandpa the Judds song, "Did lovers really fall in love to stay. And stand beside each other, come what may?"

That first year of marriage was the hardest but nothing compared to when they entered their second year. They had faced many hurdles but they had done it together. As a team they were unstoppable. As they entered their second year they thought they passed all of the hurdles, however, the hardest part was only just on the horizon.

Katniss had many regrets in her life and one of those regrets was not getting help when their marriage was in jeopardy.

Since Peeta's return, they began working hard at their relationship under the guidance of his psychiatrist Doctor A. At first Katniss thought it hogwash and dismissed the idea of couples therapy. But seeing how therapy helped Peeta, Katniss relented and went.

Katniss learned so many things about herself. She learned of her own insecurities, her reluctance to let her walls down and love, and how that caused a major part of the rift between herself and Peeta.

In hindsight, they were both lonely, each battling their own dragons. She didn't know about his mother or the physical and verbal abuse he endured. Peeta hid it so well. He said the marks on his body were from the bakery, the ovens, fights with his brothers. There were rumors in town Peeta's mother was a tough disciplinarian but Katniss couldn't have known what Peeta endured at the hand of his mother.

Katniss wished she'd known this part of him. The picture Peeta presented to her was of a good caring strong individual.

They eloped the day after graduation, one month after they'd met. They were only eighteen and at first everything had gone so well, they kept their marriage a secret. As far as the entire world was concerned they were only dating. They were so desperate to be with the other, but Katniss used his mother as a crutch to keep their nuptials quiet. They lived apart to keep the illusion going.

The first hurdle came when her mother found the marriage certificate amongst Katniss's things. Peeta was thrown out of his home and he moved into the ranch. His mother threatened to disown him. It was quite the scandal in town. For several months people thought, the only reason they married was because Katniss was pregnant.

As the weeks passed and Katniss showed no signs of a baby, the roar of disbelief settled down. Peeta was allowed to return to the bakery but with the condition to work twice as hard. He no longer could travel with her. And he took the brunt from her mother and his.

Her mother did not hesitate to voice her concern and even gave them an ultimatum to separate. Katniss stood steadfast to her decision. But as they entered their second year, Katniss privately regretted the way everyone found out and there were times she resented getting married the way they did. Especially when she was alone on the rodeo circuit.

**PAST:**

"I just don't understand why you can't come with me," Katniss threw her fringed shirt into her father's bag. It was one of the few things she had, that belonged to him. "It's not like you're in college."

"We can't afford it," Peeta said from the bathroom. He shut off the water to the shower.

"All you ever do is work," Katniss grumbled putting her hat in the bag. She was leaving for about two-and-a-half weeks to compete in a statewide livestock and rodeo show, it wasn't as Grand as the Houston Rodeo Show but it was still impressive. She'd be competing on their first anniversary and they wouldn't be together.

In all fairness, she was the one who brought up the opportunity to compete and win a bigger prize. Peeta didn't want her to go he wanted her to stay. She dismissed his argument until she realized she wasn't fine with being alone. Now, Peeta couldn't get out of work, one of his brothers was on vacation and the other was away at college. Still, Katniss tried, she was sure his mother could handle the bakery by herself.

Peeta came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his middle, despite the argument desire flowed through her. His blonde wavy hair was wet, and she wanted to run her hands through it. He was athletic, his broad shoulders and arms were muscular. He'd grown taller in the past few months as well, and that bit of baby fat melted from his face and his abs were like a washboard. Lately, all they did was bicker. She wanted him to join her on the road, but he refused, using the bakery as an excuse.

"Katniss we've been over this. I told you, I can't."

"Why not? Why can't you come with me? You've more than made it up to your mother and proved to her that you are not going anywhere. Baby," Katniss said sliding her arms around his middle from behind. She stroked his abs.

Peeta shrugged, stepping away from her. "No, we're not doing this."

His physical rejection hurt but Katniss wasn't going to show him this, she pushed him and he banged his injured arm on the dresser. He had burned himself with a tray. His eyes filled with tears and Katniss felt instant regret. She rushed forward. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

Peeta shook his head. "I know, you didn't mean it."

"I just get so lonely and I wish you were with me." Her family refinanced the ranch to pay the bulk of her father's medical bills. The mortgage was higher and they still had around forty-five thousand dollars left in medical expenses to pay. In order for her to pay off the bills, she'd been competing in barrel races. She loved the sport but she hated trussing herself up like the Christmas pig before the judges and fans.

"I love you," Peeta said waiting for half a beat for her to acknowledge that she too felt the same way, but she couldn't say it. She had never said it. It was as if she had a block of ice that wouldn't melt. He turned away. "I can't," he whispered.

Katniss turned his face and peppered it with light kisses. It did the trick. He smiled and his eyes sparkled. She bit her bottom lip knowing he was turned on. Taking his hand she led him to the bed since she only wore one of his t-shirts and a pair of panties. She shimmied out of them and she enjoyed how fat his pupils became. He groaned and pleasure shot right to her center.

"Let's play ranch hands," Katniss suggested. She licked her lips right before he roughly kissed her. She moaned when his tongue swept inside her mouth. Her body hummed with mounting desire.

He took her chaps and roughly said, "Put these on."

She loved it when he took control in the bedroom. Katniss did as he bid, watching as his towel slipped to the floor. Peeta didn't have a problem being naked. Katniss did, she kept the shirt on.

He sprung free and she reached out to touch him. She loved the feel of him, soft and hard, loved the noises he made at her touch. She became wetter with each sound he made. Peeta stopped her momentarily, sitting down in a chair. He pulled her down on top of him and she mewled as she was filled by him. Katniss began to ride him, she stared into his eyes they were the color of the fathomless ocean. His mouth found hers once more and her head spun. She was so close.

"Harder," he hissed.

Katniss began to ride him harder.

One of his hands traveled down from her waist. His fingers found her pulsing bud and she threw her head back with a yell. Her heart filled with colors, strong vibrant reds and oranges, right before her world was filled with the most intense bright light. Katniss screamed his name as she came. Katniss fell forward into his arms. Peeta gently cupped her face, he whispered, "I love you."

Even after her orgasm, she couldn't say it back. She left that evening closing the door on his sleeping form to head out onto the lonely road.

A week later she sat atop Lady for her second run. She'd gotten one of the best-timed runs. Katniss told herself she and her horse were one. Katniss had to trust Lady and Lady needed to trust Katniss. She could feel Lady's energy and strength, it rose up and engulfed Katniss. Her horse also felt Katniss sadness and frustration. Everywhere Katniss looked there were families, fathers, and daughters, mothers, and sons. Couples of all ages surrounded her, but she had no one around her because Peeta did not want to come with her. Katniss was tired of his excuses, she simply wanted Peeta there for her. This was her first time competing in the top division of barrel racing. She wanted to share this with him. Lady danced as they waited their turn in the arena.

"Hey there girly you okay?"

Katniss glanced at the tall lanky rodeo clown sitting on the metal starting gate.

"You look like you're too young to be here."

Katniss scowled at him and Lady kicked dirt his way.

"Whoa," he laughed. "My mistake. It's just, Division One isn't for everyone."

Katniss was going to say something but she heard the moan of the crowd. She was next. As soon as the signal was given, rider and horse sprang forward into the arena. Katniss felt the moment her horse leaned in to go around the first barrel. The ground of the arena was perfect. Too much sand caused to Lady work harder to get around the barrel, and it slowed them down. Not enough sand was dangerous to the horses as they made the tight turns around the barrels.

They sped around the second barrel and both horse and rider's focus narrowed in on the third barrel. If she and Lady cleared the third barrel and come in under sixteen seconds they would place. Katniss spurred her horse to go faster she wanted that prize money.

When she made it crossed the finish line Katniss breathed easier, she heard the roar of the crowd behind her. She figured she placed third but when she turned around, she had the fastest racing time. It took a few minutes for her to realize she had won her first competition in the highest division of her sport. As she stood on the podium to receive her prize she watched the 3rd the 2nd place winners surrounded by friends and family. Once more it became apparent how lonely she was. She graciously accepted her prize and quietly disappeared into the background. She walked to her horse trailer. She'd just won the biggest prize of her career, but she felt empty. Once more she wished Peeta would've said no to his mother and came to share in this moment with her.

Peeta was more devoted to the bakery and his mother than to her.

"Hey Everdeen, nice ride out there." Johanna Mason's distinctive voice snapped Katniss out of her reverie. She grimaced. Johanna was a legend on the rodeo circuit. To the outside world, Johanna presented herself as a sweet timid woman. Katniss found Johanna Mason loud brash and could drink anyone under the table. Surprisingly, Johanna was only five years older than Katniss, she thought Johanna was older.

Katniss nodded. She was cautious not knowing what to make of this situation.

Joanna made a funny face and put her hands on her hips. "Look, kid, I know what it's like to be alone out here, it's not easy. A couple of the girls and I are going out tonight if you wanna join us be in the lobby at six."

Katniss first instinct was to say no, but Johanna was right she was alone and she didn't want to be alone tonight. She gave the slightest of nods. Johanna walked away, leaving Katniss alone with her thoughts.

That night Katniss went to the local bar with the girls, half of them were drunk by the time they got there. Johanna was off in a corner with some cowboy she'd picked up five minutes into their arrival. Katniss was at the bar nursing her coke. She hummed along to one of the songs, Cowgirls Don't Cry by Brooks and Dunn that featured Reba McEntire. Someone sat to her left. Katniss didn't pay attention to them. She was watching folk line dancing.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Katniss didn't realize the question was directed at her. She ignored it and kept on humming along.

This time the person tapped her on her shoulder. "Can I buy you a drink?"

She turned to the guy ready to make a snarky remark but she swallowed her words. The guy in front of her was sin on a stick. Katniss swallowed nervously she had no words. Guys like him didn't bother with girls like her. They always had two types of girls dripping on their arms, the ones that frequented certain men's magazines in nothing but the suit they were born in or the tall glamazons who were slender and ate air twice a day.

"You were great out there. I've never seen a horse and rider move like you do on your horse."

Katniss finally found her voice, "Thank you."

"You don't recognize me do you?" He flashed her his pearly whites.

"No," she admitted. There was no point in lying she wouldn't know him from Adam.

"I'm the clown...on the railing...I just started today on the circuit."

"You're the annoying clown!" Katniss blurted. As soon as she did she felt her ears and cheeks feel hot.

He rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Guilty. My name's Gale Hawthorne. You're Catnip Everdeen."

"My name is not catnip, it's Katniss."

"Sorry it was a little hard-of-hear in that arena...the crowd was really rooting for you."

Suddenly he didn't seem as tall dark and handsome. She turned her attention back to the dancers.

"You wanna dance?"

Annoyed, Katniss turned to him. "Look, Buster, I'm sure whatever game you run normally works on 99% of the population. But with me, it doesn't. So as the song says, hit the road, Jack."

Gale laughed, "You got moxie."

She glared at him.

He put his hands in the air and said, "Okay I get it, you don't want any company tonight, but you'll come around because sooner or later everyone needs the clown in their life." He gave her a dazzling smile and winked.

Katniss rolled her eyes in the air and watched him walk away. Johanna took his vacated seat.

"What did he want?" Johanna asked.

"Nothing."

Johanna cracked a laugh and gave her a pointed look.

"A drink and a dance," Katniss confessed.

"Brainless that man smells of trouble." She ordered a beer. "You keep clear of guys like that."

"Thanks, mom," Katniss said.

"Listen there's another Rodeo, a few of us are going and if you want to join the convoy, you're more than welcome to come."

Katniss briefly thought of Peeta. He was no doubt working at the bakery and wouldn't miss her. "I'd love to."

Within a week she was riding at another Rodeo. And everywhere she went there was Gale and that trademark smirk of his. Who wore down who first, Katniss didn't remember. All she knew was that they slowly became bosom buddies.

He was there for her and anytime she won, he celebrated with her.

Things with Peeta became worse, whenever she came back home to the Seam. He would come back from the bakery worn out from having to deal with his mother. When she confronted him about the need to tell his mother off he said he couldn't.

She hated his weakness. Hated him for being a doormat. She often compared Peeta to Gale and she began to prefer Gale's overt manliness to Peeta's gentle ways. She mentioned Gale often to Peeta to see if there would be a reaction but there wasn't.

It wasn't until Gale showed up at her front door with flowers that things got worse between them. They were in their bedroom arguing. She was yelling Peeta was trying to keep his cool. Whenever he got mad he either threw things or he fixed and cleaned.

Peeta was fixing the bed. The way he turned down the bed was better than any hotel she'd stayed at while on the road. This tick of his annoyed her.

"I can't drop everything to go see you ride a horse. I've got to work."

She couldn't believe he said that to her. "First off I'm not just riding a horse. I'm paying for this house in his whole damn ranch where you live for free."

"The Hell I live here for free...and even if I did I'm not ashamed to tell people I'm married. Like your good friend Gale, who you neglected to tell me was a he."

"You know I have to use Everdeen as my stage name that was my father's name and people know me as Katniss Everdeen. If you would come out on the road with me you would have found out about the company I keep."

"Why should I even go out there you've got Gale." He snickered, "Gale is so funny and talented on a horse, we should hire Gale."

Katniss wanted to rip her hair out "Gale and I are just friends when are you going to get that through your thick head."

Katniss slammed the door of their bedroom. She passed her mother who gave her an I-told-you-so-look. Frustrated she walked outside to the swing. Stuffing her hands in her pocket her instincts told her to run and that's what she did. She left again and for the next three months, she toured putting distance between herself and Peeta. Anger fueled her racing and she won competition after competition.

She called home when Peeta was at the bakery. On the occasions when they did talk they ended up fighting.

She was sitting in her trailer listening to him drone on about how he wanted her to come home. Over the radio, Grandpa by the Judds was being played. "Grandpa, take me back to yesterday when the lines between right and wrong didn't seem so hazy…"

"Katniss you've been gone for months...my mother thinks I..."

Hearing that Peeta was going to say something about his mother made her see red. "Why don't you grow up and get a pair, and tell your mother to stay out of my life! They took away your college fund. How can you stand them!"

"Katniss you don't understand." He paused as if to say something. "I think if you came home we can sit and talk."

"Why can't you tell me what you want to say over the flipping phone. Why should I go home when all we do is argue."

"Katniss people are talking…"

"I don't care what they say." Katniss was frustrated with the conversation. They had this same argument a couple of days ago. The prize money for this Rodeo was even bigger than the last one. She had amassed a great deal of money that would help pay off the mortgage and a good chunk of her father's medical bills. "I'm not cheating on you I'm out on the road making money to pay the bills of my house."

"Are you saying that you don't want me here?"

She could hear the pain and the anger mixed in his voice. She was over it though. "Why does it always have to be about you Peeta? I didn't mean it that way and you know it."

"It sounded like I'm not wanted here." His voice became quiet. "You once told me this was our house."

"It was."

"Just come home, I still love you."

Katniss couldn't say them back. They were foreign words they sounded like another language. "I'm not sure if I want to. Not sure if it's worth it anymore."

"You're with him aren't you."

Tears formed in her eyes at his accusation there wasn't a spot in her being that didn't hurt. This was as painful as the day that her father died. "You should trust me."

"I'm not the one without my ring."

The phone line went dead. Katniss wiped the tears from her face, she hadn't done anything wrong. Her words meant nothing. Peeta thought she was cheating.

There was a knock at the entrance of her horse trailer. She wiped her face, before opening the door. Gale stood before her smiling. "Hey."

"Can I come in?" He tipped his hat back.

"Sure." She moved aside to let him and closed the door.

Gale looked concerned, "Are you okay."

Katniss was still reeling from the way things ended. "No."

"How bad was it this time?"

"Pretty bad."

"Katniss, this isn't my place to stay but you work really hard to bring home a paycheck and he's making you feel bad, making you beg." Gale looked angry. "He should value what he hands and instead he's throwing it away if you were- Awe HELL" Gale grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. Katniss at first didn't know how to react the only man she'd ever kissed was Peeta. Gale's hand drifted slowly to her waistline and he pushed her closer to him. For some reason Katniss expected to smell the familiar scent of cinnamon and dill, instead, she smelled orange and woods.

Her body coiled back.

"I'm sorry, I know you and Peeta are having trouble, but I like you a lot. You're amazing, sexy, desirable, and I just had to do that once." He left.

Katniss wiped her lips with the back of her hands. It struck her this was the first time in months that she'd been touched. Her hands shook. Peeta's accusation played in her mind. She quickly rationalized she hadn't cheated on him she was innocent Gail kissed her.

**PRESENT:**

Tears poured down Katniss' face as she remembered that fateful kiss. In hindsight, she should have heeded Johanna's warning and stayed away from trouble. She should have fought for her marriage.

She swung on the swing her father had made the day Prim was born. Her baby moved gracefully within her. "You're not going to be like your mama, you're going to be like your daddy, sweet, kind, and gentle." The baby kicked. Katniss chuckled, "Maybe you'll have some of my sass."

Katniss was full of sass and vinegar when she was younger. She didn't listen to advice or to what was plainly before her eyes. She was selfish, self-destructive, and vain.

There was a good reason Peeta couldn't go to every single competition, why he enslaved himself to the bakery. At the time she stubbornly only saw the problems through her lens and she was struggling to fix things alone instead of leaning on her partner and solving them together. Had she opened up to Peeta things would not have ended the way they did.

Sadly, Katniss had let Peeta slip through her fingers. During the four years they were apart she'd come to realize she had allowed herself to love him, using sex to show him how she felt, but it wasn't enough. As an adult, she understood she did a piss poor job of communicating. Had she been able to verbalize her emotions what happened next wouldn't have occurred.

**PAST:**

She put the kiss behind her, focusing on the next Rodeo. the song Wide Open Spaces by the Dixie Chicks was on the radio and Katniss was humming along as she brushed Lady's mane. When it played Rolling Stones, Wild Horses and the song reminded her of the kiss. Katniss quickly changed the channel to the next station.

She wasn't avoiding Gale altogether. She didn't know what to do about the kiss. It wasn't great but it was pleasant and there was a part of her that was curious as to what it was like to be with other men. She heard Johanna and the girls exchange stories about being with multiple partners. Not so long ago she couldn't think of touching a man that wasn't Peeta or thinking about what they looked like under their clothing. Just thinking about Gale naked, caused warmth to rush to her cheeks, closing her eyes she could visualize his sun-kissed skin, possibly some hair sprinkled across his chest. But as she imagined gale his skin began to grow paler, his shoulders became wider, his arms more muscular. "Peeta," Katniss whispered. Her body hummed with want.

Shaking her head she glanced around to see if anyone around her was staring at her. Katniss picked up the spray bottle to keep her hands busy. She applied ointment to help Lady's legs rest and heal. As she became more confident on the road she began to participate in more events in the Rodeo and as a result, Lady's legs were sore. Tomorrow was her final competition and in order to win, she wanted to give Lady enough time to heal.

"Hi stranger," Gale knocked on the side of her trailer.

Katniss fumbled with her spray bottle, "Gale hi."

He gave her a crooked smile, revealing his perfect teeth. She couldn't help but stare at his lips, she knew he tasted of orange.

"So I wanted to see how you're doing. I know I shouldn't have kissed you. But like I said I had to do it."

Katniss stood paralyzed, she didn't know how to react to Gale's second confession. She focused in on his boots, her eyes didn't stay there for long they strayed. Gale looked good in his tight-fitting blue jeans and his gray Stetson shirt and he would look good in a paper bag and nothing else. Katniss felt the red sting of a massive blush settling on her cheeks.

"I realize you're with someone else. Someone who doesn't make you happy, hell he leaves you alone and doesn't come with you. If you were my woman, I wouldn't leave you alone."

The words he said caused Katniss to remember how all of this happened. How neglected and lonesome she'd been out on the circuit.

"I wanna make you happy please give me...us a chance."

Katniss nodded. Gale swept her up in his arms and he kissed her on the lips briefly.

"Tonight, we should celebrate, I want to take you to dinner and dancing."

"Sure."

He kissed her on the cheek and cupped her face. "Thank you."

That night she was nervous. She didn't know how it would feel to be with Gale. She took her first drink it burned all the way down and settled in her stomach like a warm fire. She let that drink and other drinks sweep through her system, she danced and flirted with Gale. The more she drank the further away her problems seemed. She ended up in Gale's room.

He kissed her with passion and intensity. The heat she felt with Gale wasn't like the heat she felt with Peeta. With Peeta, the heat came from her heart, the center of her being. With Gale, it was an external ardor but still oddly satisfying. She was wanted, Gale didn't reject her.

They moved to his bed. Katniss tried to convince herself to give in to what was happening. But as Gale's hands touched her through her dress her body was repulsed, no amount of liquor could hide the fact that she didn't want him. Everytime she closed her eyes she saw Peeta, it was Peeta's mouth she wanted, Peeta's scent she wanted, Peeta's hands to caress and touch her body.

"Gale," she uttered as his mouth met hers. She pulled away from his kiss.

"What's wrong?" He sounded out of breath.

"I'm sorry," Katniss shook her head.

"It's too much...too soon," Gale sat up.

"I need to go." Katniss got off the bed. She picked up her phone and quickly left. She texted the one person she knew would help her.

"You alright, Brainless?" Johanna asked as Katniss got in the truck.

Katniss nodded unsure of what she was supposed to say or do. She couldn't blame her actions on the alcohol because they were her actions. She recognized she sought out Gale. She kissed him and led him on and in the end, it didn't feel right.

Johanna glanced at her as she drove several miles before she asked, "He didn't force himself on you...did he?"

"No." Joanna gave her a pointed look. "No."

"Alright. I believe you, but, if he did, tell me and we'll do something about it, cuz no means no."

Katniss exhaled and remained quiet for the rest of the evening of the ride home. Johanna had the radio on and Grandpa came on by the Judds. As she went over her actions, the lyrics of the Judds song was playing in the background and mocked her.

"Was a promise really something people kept?"

Katniss glanced at her ring finger. It was bare, she only wore her wedding ring when she was home, only was his wife when convenient. She'd made a promise to him when she said her vows. She'd broken that promise, tonight.

"Listen to me, Brainless."

Katniss was glad for the darkness, Johanna couldn't see her tears.

"I know you've got a feller back home, a girl like you normally does. If you want a happily ever after. You tell him what happened as soon as possible and find a way to fix it, or else you're going to lose him."

Katniss shook but didn't say anything, she went to her trailer and took one of her mother's powerful sleeping teas. The next morning was the competition and she wasn't right. She tried to avoid Gale, but there he was in his clown get up.

He cupped her face kissed her softly, then said, "Okay, have a good run."

Katniss mounted Lady. The horse brayed several times to get her attention but she was so out of it she hardly noticed. Somehow she finished with a decent time. On her second run, Katniss nerves got the better of her. She could barely hold onto the reins. She leaned in too much in her saddle and she found herself flying through the air just before things became dark.

The steady sound of a mechanical beep was the first thing she heard. Having been in the hospital with her father she was familiar with the sound. She opened her eyes and everything was dark, her head ached, and her ankle felt funny.

"Peeta," Katniss weakly said.

"He isn't here." Gale's voice was filled with sadness, "I'm here." He took her hand. "Lady is fine, she nearly trampled you, I got you out of the way."

When Gale held her hand it wasn't the same, she didn't feel safe. "I want my husband," she whispered brokenly.

No one could substitute Peeta.

**PRESENT:**

Katniss swung back-and-forth on the swing engulfed by regret. Eventually, she regained her sight and her foot healed but her heart had never mended. Had she heeded Johanna's advice she wouldn't have never lost Peeta. She should have told him that she loved him. She regretted not saying those three words to him every day for four years. When he disappeared and she couldn't find him, she nearly gave up. It was even worse when she learned from Prim the reason Peeta was working so hard at the bakery.

He'd been working extra hours to help with the mortgage, while quietly dealing with his mother's abuse. Katniss also found out the reason he didn't go to college wasn't, because his family took his money away, it was because he took his college fund and paid off the forty-five thousand dollars they owed.

She broke down when she learned he'd come to see her but wasn't allowed because no one knew she was married to him. The day the divorce papers came she wore the shame of her infidelity like a scarlet letter on her soul.

**PAST:**

Katniss sat on the swing in the back of the house, listlessly staring out into the ranch. They couldn't find him, he'd disappeared. His mother was no help she threw Katniss out of the bakery and refused file a missing person's claim.

"Katniss," Prim said.

Katniss turned to face her sister.

"This came for you, I don't recognize the address." Prim handed her the manila envelope.

Katniss took the thick envelope, Prim wouldn't leave otherwise. She tore into it and when she read the first line a scream tore from her mouth. She felt like she'd been hit by lightning and nothing but dying embers were left.

"What's wrong," Prim grabbed the papers that fell from her hands.

"Divorce papers…" Prim said. "He wants to divorce you for adultery?"

Katniss couldn't face her sister couldn't face the world at large. The truth was there in black and white.

"How could he, when I see him I'm going to make him pay," Prim said.

**PRESENT:**

Katniss chuckled Prim kept her word. But all those years the papers were a reminder that Peeta didn't want her anymore and she told herself she didn't want him either. During the day she put on a good show but at night she broke down until exhaustion set in and she slept.

When he came back she thought she'd seen a ghost. Finding out he still wore his ring, gave her hope, and it frightened the hell out of her. Katniss smiled at the memory. She was glad they'd worked this out in therapy. As the Judd's song Grandpa said, they stood  'beside each other, come what may,' they were a team. She and Peeta were stronger together than apart. The baby swished around inside of her.

She never saw Gale after that day in the hospital. It was clear she'd made her choice. Her mother hired Johanna to help train the horses. She could hear her laughing with Peeta before the back door slammed. "Hey Brainless you comin' inside? Blondie's got enough food to feed that army you got growing inside of you."

"Oh hush Johanna," Katniss yelled back. Johanna swore she was carrying twins or triplets.

They were sitting down to eat when the banging began at the front door.

"Who could it be?" Her mother asked.

"I'll get it, I'll get it," Johanna said getting up.

The banging at the door got louder.

"What the H E Double Hockey Sticks are you doing here, you snake in the grass?" Johanna sounded angry.

"Where is she?" The male voice shouted.

It sounded familiar. Prim frowned, got up and walked to the front door. Then there was a crash. Katniss waddled as fast as she could. There in the front foyer lay, Gale Hawthorne passed out.


End file.
